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Poobah's Quotes

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The following are little gems of wisdom and truth that when worked into conversations will impress just about anyone with a reasonable amount of intelligence. These are all 100% mine, unless otherwise noted. It may also be feasible that I stole them from others, but I have conveniently forgotten who originally said it and my mind has decided to give me credit. Since I trust my mind, I'm just gonna take credit.

  1. Justice is something to which the noble should aspire, the wicked should fear, and the intelligent should not expect.

  2. It's only abstinence if you have a choice not to be.

  3. Too many people believe lying is evil or bad. Personally I feel lying is a gift from God. Just like bazookas, they can be used for good or evil.

  4. I feel like I'm standing in a crowd of people who are awed by a superhero and I keep thinking to myself.... "Am I the only one who has noticed he is riding a surf board in space?"

  5. Atheists share the exact same flaws as the religious. Both believe they are right, and tend to look down on others who "can't see the light."

  6. Who cares? Laugh your ass off! It's funny to you, and that’s all that matters. I can't believe this isn't taught in Kindergarten.

  7. If the kittens didn't want it they wouldn't dress so sexy.

  8. If you ever want to piss off your smoking friends, tell them that you won't come inside there house because you have already had a bath today.

  9. Success has many definitions, just like expensive.

  10. I get the giggles every time someone takes me seriously.

  11. Meatloaf never did it for me, but that might be a psychological association with the foodstuff of the same name.

  12. I have a ton of shitty ass gifts that tells me they didn't know enough about me to know what I like.

  13. Too many of my dumbass relatives thought when I sent them a graduation invitation it meant I wanted them to come share my experience. I really only wanted an envelope delivered via U.S. mail filled with some monetary acknowledgement of my achievement.

  14. I would punch my mother in the face to have your problems. Hard. And I love my mom.

  15. True D&Ders died with 2nd edition.

  16. Man you gotta have balls to be pretentious about hotdog condiments.

  17. I say if a kid is going to a library to see sex pictures he probably isn't the kid we should really be worrying about.

  18. Porn is free, I pay for Art.

  19. Hmmmm, I wonder if a T-Shirt with "Shut up you crybaby Pussy" would sell?

  20. Honestly, If you don't understand, you have no reason to care.

  21. If I was to make up stuff about my life, I'd probably pretend to have eaten more pancakes too.

  22. If you listen to this song, and someone says "Is he saying hot potatos?" the song will always sound like he is saying hot potatos from then on.

  23. I do it because I am a greedy bastard. Once you realize you are too, you can become enlightened. Then if you still want the stuff, you too can become a greedy bastard.

  24. I am a Kentucky Colonel. Yet I get no discount at KFC. Whats up with that?

  25. You don't think Big Bird got that big eating seeds do you?

  26. It takes more than just a phone call to sway my political persuasions. It takes candy, or even a cupcake.

  27. I would kill for a water gun that squirted jelly.

  28. Almost anyone can be funny for 2 minutes. It takes skill to be funny for an hour.